Beer too can be padded

“Y ou know, the beauty of Mama Mulikat’s joint is that its drinks are cheap but of course, the ugly aspect of the rendezvous is that, it easily attracts men of low esteem or of no esteem at all.”
“You and your dangerous analysis. Well, no doubt, our heavily endowed Juliet here decided to pad the prices of her drinks to keep these shilly-shally charlatans at bay. Otherwise, you would see them milling around, trying to tap currents from her graciously built frame.”
“Charles, there you come. Are you by inference saying Reps Speaker Dogara and his colleagues who are under serious accusation of padding the budget are the categories of people who should be drinking padded beer, because they are decent? So, if you as a spare part seller hasn’t got enough patronage in two months, then with due respect, you are a charlatan, and will be consigned to Iya Mulikat’s shop.”
“Kay, I’m sure you are not drunk on top of just two bottles, because I know you are my boss in this liquor caste. Yes, in deference to that, let our scintillating Juliet bring us two additional bottles apiece, criminally cold, mortuary standard.”
“I only hope your son won’t take after you, both in drinking and philandering…yes, let me rev up the engine of this rollicking session. Juliet should also serve us two steaming hot plates of goat-meat broth, which we call ‘pepper-soup’ in the local parlance.”
“You see, there was a time I read a foreign journal where a researcher averred that no regular consumer of goat-meat can ever fall prey to the bigman disease called heart attack. I saw the journal on the floor while on board a BRT bus. Immediately I alighted, I rushed to a near-by goatmeat pepper- soup joint. I greedily demolished two courses and washed the meal down with three bottles of chilled beer.”
“We can’t be too sure about all these researches. But in pedestrian terms, you can safely say the research is plausible, in the sense that, a goat is stubborn. No stubborn heart can suffer shock or any life-threatening attack.”
“So in a way, can we describe our dearly beloved Speaker who said budget padding is no crime as stubborn-hearted? He probably had to take to the grandstanding so that the big man’s life-snuffing disease called heart-attack will not hit him, in the heat of Rep Jibrin’s preponderance of attacks.” “I beg, Charles, let’s leave those guys and laugh away our sorrow in the face of the unpleasant ‘change’ that Nigerians are going through. Go and ask Senate President Bukola Saraki; I’m sure he is unfazed, because, he knows that if you are fecund in Nigeria’s political chicanery, you will survive any plot to remove you from office. As for us however, only lack of money can remove us from Juliet’s beer parlour.”
“Alan Kay, that is the crux of the matter. There is not much money in the economy. Billions have been recovered from corrupt politicians, though nobody has gone to jail. Yet we are hungry. More than a year after, not a single industry has been set up; much less produce anything for export. Yet, the borders are closed to consumer items. Chai, this is wickedness!” “No, I disagree; I guess it is only an attempt to turn Nigerians to inventors. Remember, they say necessity is the mother of invention. For instance, if the price of your preferred beer is hitting the roof-tops, you can, in annoyance go home and manufacture your own, using native intelligence.” “Kay, come off it, I know you are trying to stave off discussions on national affairs, so as not to pollute our jollification and soothing camaraderie with ever voluptuous Juliet.” “You will never repent. You are just like a fellow journalist who once mused at a beer parlour that, ‘adultery is for adult, while fornication is for children, because they love fun.” “Yeeee! (Joint laughter). Let Juliet come and pack these empty bottles. They are all fallen heroes… so, are you in any way close to Senator Dino Melaye? Saharareporters quoted him as hollering at Jagaban’s wife, Senator Remi Tinubu, that, “I will beat you up, rape you and impregnate you!” “Please, please, Melaye is a gentleman though he can get angry. He has denied the allegation. Remember that he claimed the woman too called him ‘a mad dog.’” “I beg, let’s leave them jare. They say a hungry dog does not play with a well fed one. They belong to two different worlds. We are here consoling ourselves with bottles of beer. I only pray we won’t drink to death. As for them, they drink choice wine, cool off in expensive hotels and, especially for the men, invest in multi-million naira hot-legs.” “So, Charles, do we take one bottle each for the road, so as to consolidate the alcoholic reaction in our Medulla Oblongata?