“That’s a close shave! So how did you makegood your escape? After all, you had been caught red-handed.”
“Ogbonna, ah! What we are saying is a serious matter o; itwould have resulted in some fatality. I had to pretend to be a cleaner of the hotel and the two bar men and the waitress around played along with me. If not, I would have been pawned.”
“Okay, Kay, what you are saying is that, you brought a babe to a hotel and her boyfriend or fiancé trailed you to the place. You were so careless not to have locked the door. He barged in but came short of catching you in the action. You were emerging from the bathroom with a bucket; so how did you dramatise the rest, to convince this distraught chap that you were truly a cleaner.”
“Simple. I spoke uncouthly anyway. I confronted him and said, ‘Oga, oh you are the one madam is expecting; we don’t havewater, let me fetch you some water outside.’ But I tell you, the lady had become a jelly-fish, knowingthe implication of what has happened.”
“That means you’d implicated her. You could run away while the man would be waiting for the ‘real’ person dating his babe to arrive.”
“Well, the important thing is that ‘the man had not arrived and would not arrive’; forget about the intent to commit infidelity. Forgiveness could be farmed out so long as a plotted crime is aborted. I later saw the lady and tendered apologies. She said the other hotel staff helped her to beg the guy. But trust me, the cleaner escaped, after having truly cleaned the cleanable.”
“You crook! And so much for your philanderer’s tale. My oesophagus is desperately clamouring for the sips of beer. Let Juliet give us two bottles, criminally cold, mortuary standard. Otherwise, we lose relevance sitting in a beer parlour without drinking beer.”
“Yes, but can you imagine that some of these beer sellersare selfish? December is here. And we have been drinking here from January till now, yet there is no bonanza for us.”
“Guess that would have to be towards Christmasperiod…concerning the story you have just related, I learned that some peoplein your area are actually diabolical, that they can plant a juju called magun,a killer charm, on a woman, and any man that ‘trespasses’ would slump andcross over to the other world.”
“I think you are right, Ogbos. It reminds me of a senior manager of a newspaper house in my homestate. He was befriending a young lady who incidentally had been betrothed to a young man, an illiterate carpenter.”
“So why did the man descend so low?”
“Look, you would never know how strong this thing calledlove or infatuation or feelings can be on those already fated to it. The carpenter begged our friend to leave his babe alone but he refused. So the carpenter went to a witchdoctor who prepared him a debilitating magun charm.”
“Wow, just because of that? Well I’m listening. Did the thing work?
“Why would it not work? It, in fact, overworked… our senior manager startedcoming to the girl’s house with a well armed riot policeman, popularly called MOPOL, with the fear that the other young man, the jaded lover, could plot to attack him.”
“Hmmm, not knowing the boy’s weapons of warfare were not physical, that they were spiritual, and could pull down giants.”
“Yes, the boy prevailed. As the senior manager stepped out of the lady’s house, he suddenly stopped short. Before you could say Jack Robinson, he had started somersaulting. When he somersaulted the first time, elderly people who understood his plight wanted to stop him in histracks, knowing that if he should take the leap three times, he would be stone dead.”
“Interesting; Juliet should bring the next round of bottles,quickly… so, what happened? They couldn’t stop him, I guess?”
“No, let’s just say his naive MOPOL killed him. When people wanted to come to his rescue, his police guard threatened to shoot them, saying in pidgin, “Abeg, leave my Oga; na sport man, he wan somersault like Aghahowa and the other Super Eagles boys. Leave am to somersault or I shoot all of you!
“Ah, what a shame! So, that was how the people were scared from helping the poor man to keep alive?
“My brother, it was pathetic. This man somersaulted the second time and his MOPOL hailed him saying, “action man, action man, do am again!” And he somersaulted the thirdtime and it was all over. He died with his eyes wide open.”
“Kay, this is serious. And it is a lesson for every one of us, never to be desperate about any babe, and never to allow your emotions prevail over your sense of discipline.”
“Please, we need a bottle each for the road. After all, when a drunk somersaults, it is not as a result of magun, but because he is truly happy. That should be the true sport man, the true Aghahowa of the late senior manager’s MOPOL.”
“There you come. A drunk’s magun,when he somersaults, is to break his leg, arm or head. That too can lead to death.”
“Ogbos, not our portion. Let’s just payJuliet and hit the road. “