The lady I was supposed to marry was very beautiful when we were growing up. I was the first person in our entire family to gain admission into the university. In those days, especially in my part of Nigeria, Arabic education was the most important thing. It still is; but now, many people ensure that their children also acquire proper modern education.
The ladies were also in the same shoes. But the lady I planned to marry was also the first in their side to gain admission into a higher institution. It was a polytechnic in Ogun State, while I was admitted into a federal university in Zaria.
When we started our love relationship, not many people knew about it, although I told some of my step brothers to help me monitor her while she was still at home and I was in school. She also visited me about two times with my best friend before she went to her school the year after. About two times, my stepmothers (I lost my mother when I was 15 years) also helped to hide her in the house when she came to visit so that my father would not scold me for bringing a woman to the house.
Everyone had thought that I would be an exception to the interesting marriage tradition that we had in our town, where you did not have to know your partner before getting married to him or her.
One day, on one of my visits home, she told me that her parents said it was better for her to get married before going to school, so that she would not be tempted to go against the tradition while in school. Interestingly, they agreed that she could bring my people home to formally ask for her hands in marriage. I was so excited that I told my stepmothers about the development. They said they would try to convince my father, an Imam, who was respected all over the area, to agree with the arrangement.
When they did, he did not disagree with them. But they told me to go back to school; that they would ensure everything that should be done was done. Believing them, I went to school in high spirits, expecting my people to have married my chosen wife for me before I returned for another break. That was allowed in my tradition. In fact, it was the most common thing.
But I was surprised when my fiancee said her people waited for my people, throughout the day; on the day they (my family members) had chosen, to no avail. She cried and cried, because it was a taboo for a lady’s prospective in-laws not to show up, for any of the marriage rites. I did not know what to make of it. She said she had been advised to go to school, and that the two families would have settled the issues surrounding the disappointment before she returned.
So, she left for school. I went with my best friend to see her in school before going home to demand an explanation on why they refused to go and ask for the hands of my wife in marriage. In her school, she could not be controlled; she cried and cried; and said I was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But she could feel deep inside her that we might not be together. She said the two families were only playing pranks with our hearts. I had never touched her. We were very religious. We knew we couldn’t do anything until the night of our wedding and she kept herself very well. But with freedom in her school, she was tempted to tell me to sleep with her.
She said she wanted to get pregnant so that there would no longer be any excuse for me not to marry her. She said she would go to her parents to cover her shame by allowing her to marry me urgently before everyone knew that she was pregnant. I told her that it would be a rash decision to take, and that God might not forgive us for that act. But I promised her that as long as I lived, I would marry no other.
With that faith, I left her in school, and travelled home with my friend. When I got home, I went to stay in my friend’s house for two days. My favourite stepmother learnt about my arrival in town, and came to meet me that they were planning a surprise for me the next day; that I must return home to see everything myself. Hard as I tried, she refused to tell me the surprise, but she said it was what I had been longing for.
Something told me that it could be that they had finally gone to ask for my fiance’s hands in marriage. But I had just seen her three days before and she did not tell me anything like that.
I returned home with my stepmother. Our house was full of relatives from far and near, and everyone was in a joyous mood. Commercial cooks filled the whole compound and I saw two live cows tied, apart from the one that had been slaughtered. I was happy that I was the one who was being honoured, not minding the fact that everything was shrouded in secrecy. That night, I went to my fiance’s area and asked one of her friends if she had returned home from school, but the lady said she had not seen her. Still, I thought everyone was just being careful not to let me know what was happening.
The next day, the three top Imams in my town arrived for Nikkah. In our tradition, the two people being joined together would not be present but their parents would have known the children involved and would have given their consent. So, the Nikkah would usually be attended by a lot of people, but without the couple. The couple would not even know each other until the night of the wedding.
They did not allow me to come out. I was in my room all through the ceremony, so I did not see the relatives of the bride. It was a grand ceremony. I told my younger brother to call my stepmother for me. When she came, she told me that they were on their way to get my bride. I asked her if she was sure it was the same lady. She said, ‘just wait and see’. I never thought that she could betray me, so I relaxed and became happy.
Immediately I heard the drums and songs of people welcoming the bride into our house, asking her if she knew who she was going to meet, as was the custom, my heart skipped a beat, but I was hopeful. When, at last, the bride stepped into my room, and my stepmothers opened her veil, I almost passed
out …
To be continued…
