Being my first pregnancy, I did not find it easy at all. I was in and out of the hospital for about six months. My mother-in-law was not available in the country, and I could not also enjoy the special care of a mother because my husband had told me categorically that he did not like people milling around us, not even our immediate families. He said if we were outside the country, we would manage our lives the best way we could. I agreed with him because I did not want anything to cause a major quarrel between us.
But hard as I tried to stay within my husband’s rules, I could not exactly get what he actually wanted. He snapped at me at the slightest provocation and even went to the extent of saying that he should have waited to see if he really knew me well before deciding to go all the way with me. These utterances pained me so much that I would cry all day long, even in my ‘heavy’ state.
When I eventually gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, my mother was able to come over, but only for two weeks. In those two weeks, I was a bit relaxed because my husband was not his hostile self. He managed his temper with my mother around and was obviously very happy being a new father. Most times, he would tell my mother that he wanted to bathe the baby himself and would urge me to feed him even before he cried for food.
I never told my mother about the initial problems I was having with my husband, so she thought the relationship had always been as good as she met it. Therefore, she told me that I had to be more patient with my husband and that I should thank God for giving me my friend as husband. And each time, I would tell myself, “If only she knew what I went through before the baby was born…”
After the naming ceremony, my husband told my mother that she could be going back home because we already knew how to bathe the baby ourselves. But my mother pleaded with him to allow her stay for a few more days to monitor my recovery and also help with house chores. He agreed, reluctantly, and managed to maintain the status quo till she eventually left, after two weeks. By that time, his mother had told her sister to help us get a nanny/househelp. Luckily, the woman that was employed knew my parents very well and so, treated me like a younger sister, though I was still her boss.
My husband was only nice for about three days. He went back to his old self even before the nanny resumed about four days later. He is a perfectionist, so he would always get angry when he did not meet things where he kept
them.
On Saturdays, when he was not at work, he would come into the kitchen and be clearing dirty pots, plates and cutleries even when they were still in use. He was always complaining about me littering everywhere while cooking, when, in actual fact, I should be cleaning as the cooking went on. I am not a dirty woman, by all standards, so I could not understand why he was that impatient.
He complained about everything under the sun, as long as I was the one who did it. The nanny noticed this and also saw the way I was managing him. She praised me for holding on maturely, but advised me to tell his mother some of these things even if I was bent on not letting my mother know.
I thought it might be a good idea, but I was also afraid to let anyone into our problems. Instead, I decided to tell our pastor, so he could mentor us. I told myself that we were going through the teething stage of marriage. More so, I also thought that my husband felt that if he was too carefree, I would take advantage of him because we were agemates.
However, as I was preparing to take our problems to God, through our pastor, my nanny had already called my mother-in-law to tell her about all that was happening. She called her the day I refused to eat and could not lactate well.
I did not even know that she had done something like that, until my husband came back home that day very angry. He said I was conniving with the nanny to take over the home from him; that I urged the nanny to feed his mother with lies. He threatened to throw the nanny out and also send me packing after her. I was so angry with the nanny because I had warned her to let me handle things my own way, but she wouldn’t listen.
Anyway, my mother-in-law called me that night. At first, she told me that it was wrong of me to watch things degenerate to that point without alerting any older person. She said it could have reached a point of no-remedy before anyone knew anything and that it would not have been the best for the baby and us. Then she told me to wake him up at about 2.am, saying that I had a dream about him. She said I should ‘cook up’ a dream that would make him really afraid, and then tell him to join me in prayer that same night. My mother-in-law said that was a sure way of winning him over because he would call her to narrate the dream and she would tell him that she also had the same dream.
From there, she said, she would try to unite us by telling him that he had to hold on to me and take care of me as God had shown that I was his guardian angel by revealing the same thing He revealed to her to me.
I thought that this was a perfect plan; I rehearsed over and over again before the night I planned to do the job. But I was thoroughly embarrassed that night because when he found out that I actually woke him up to tell him a dream I had, he cursed my fore-fathers. He threatened to kill me the next time I woke him up for such, adding that every bad dream I had would come to pass in my life.
But I was thoroughly embarrassed that night because when he found out that I actually woke him up to tell him a dream I had, he cursed my forefathers. He threatened to kill me the next time I woke him up for such, adding that every bad dream I had would come to pass in my life
I was devastated. I went back to his mother to tell her that her plan did not work. It was then she dropped the
bombshell.
She said I should wash a little of my menstrual fluid into the food that he would eat …
To be continued…
