I never knew there could be any hitch in my new and happy relationship, even when my fiance’s father said we must make it formal. My siblings and I had already convinced my mother not to repeat the first mistake that landed me in the situation I was for almost two decades, and she had agreed.
My uncle, who was the next in line as the eldest in the family, after my father’s death, was also my very good friend. To help matters, he had even been speaking with my fiance on the phone and they seemed to be getting along very well.
When I told my uncle that my fiance’s people wanted us to choose a date for them to assemble in Nigeria to pay us a formal visit, he said I should give him time to consult with my mother and other people, and also choose a convenient date.
I wanted the visit to coincide with my fiance’s holiday as well as his younger sister’s trip to Nigeria, so I was a bit in a hurry. But he said I should hold on in the interest of everybody.
“They should wait,” he said. I thought he was protecting me because of all that had happened in the past, not knowing that he had a hidden agenda. When the waiting became almost unbearable, my fiance called him one night and said if we could not easily assemble all the people that matter within our family in such a short period, we could just make it a very close affair with him, my mother, my siblings and my husband’s immediate family also.
Somehow, after that, his family members got to know about my uncle’s decision and they tried to reach out to him, but he became very hard. He refused to talk to anybody. I went to meet my mother to ask if she would watch and see them spoil my happiness the second time
That was when he dropped the bombshell. My uncle said that, as a strong Christian, from a very strong Christian background, he would have sinned against God and my late father if he allowed me to marry a Muslim, or if he sat at a gathering meant for such.
At first, my fiance thought it was a joke and decided to persuade him and make him change the topic before he brought my attention to it; but he soon found out that my uncle was resolute.
Meanwhile, my uncle refused to talk to me. I even went to spend a night with his family at a point, thinking that, with his wife and children around, we could quickly fix a date and pass the message across to my mother. But he did not say anything. I was, however, hopeful when he said he had discussed with my fiance and that they had agreed on how they would go about it.
I, therefore, called my fiance late in the night, when I got home, accusing him of keeping me in the dark when he had settled the arrangements with my uncle. I asked him to tell me all that they discussed, but he said he would tell me on my arrival to the United States two days after that.
I was supposed to travel to the US on an official trip the next day. On my arrival in the US, I noticed that he was not his usual playful self. He was obviously very happy to see me, but was apparently withdrawn all through the drive from the airport.
I did not understand the problem; but I kept on thinking that there could have been an issue with his mortgage business that I needed to get him to discuss with me, so that his mind could be free, at least for a while. I never in my imagination felt it could be something that had to do with our relationship.
As if he knew I could blow up any moment, he changed, just as we were about to drive into the parking area. He helped to get my things and started being very playful once more. At night, I asked him to tell me all what he had discussed with my uncle, now that we were sitting face to face. But he said I should go through my presentation so that I would be in top form the next day at the conference.
“We have the whole of tomorrow and forever to plan our lives,” he said. I was a bit reassured; at least, his tone did not show that anything was wrong. So, I went for my conference the next day in high spirits. He took me to the venue and I got a tag for him to attend the sessions.
When I presented for my region, I was given a standing ovation. But by the time I finished, I felt a sharp pain in my leg. Since I did the last operation, I usually felt such pains whenever I stood for too long.
As I moved unsteadily to my seat, he came to hug me in the presence of everyone and walked me to my seat. That was the greatest show of love I had seen in my years on earth. He said we would not go home directly, that we needed to go somewhere to celebrate “an intelligent angel”.
I was very happy. I thought that, at last, God was paying me back, positively, for all the years I had suffered in the hands of callous men.
After staying for about two hours outside, we decided to go back home. His dad was already waiting at home for us. But, luckily, he did not get into the “visit” discussion again. He was already late for an Islamic gathering downtown.
Immediately he left, I closed the door and told my fiance that no one was going to sleep that night if he failed to tell me what transpired between him and my uncle. So, he told me to sit down.
He said he did not know how to break the news to me, and that it was the reason he had been postponing the task. In between, he had also tried to see if he could still speak with my uncle to change his position, but that this had not worked. At that point, I became really jittery. I did not understand what he was saying again.
Then he broke the news – my uncle said he would not give us his blessings; that he would not be a party to our wedding plans. He told me the details of his conversation with my uncle, and all I could mutter was, “not again”.
Somehow, after that, his family members got to know about my uncle’s decision and they tried to reach out to him, but he became very hard. He refused to talk to anybody. I went to meet my mother to ask if she would watch and see them spoil my happiness the second time.
She only said that she would try to talk to my uncle. My fiance’s father, with his obvious love for me, said they could not go ahead with the plans without my parents’ blessings; that it was a major prerequisite in Islam. It is two months since we have been on this issue. Though we are still happy together, I don’t know the way forward. Please advise.
