“This is a special sitting of the drunks. It’s not meant for tyro drinkers but for veterans in liquor consumption. The reason is that we are at the Estate home of Mama Olis here at the Ogba end of Pen Cinema, Agege, where, no matter the number of bottles you take, you must still drink responsibly.”
“Mama really, belongs to a different class of beer parlour operators. All the drinkers here are discussing national issues and occasionally talking about the opposite sex. Remember, her son used to be a national football player for Nigeria, who really rose to the position of a coach.”
“Charles, you know a lot, yet you are not a journalist…anyway, once a leaf has turned itself to a leech on the soap, it becomes fully soaped. But you know that her son resigned his appointment suddenly as a national coach, giving no good reason.”
Well, a bottle of beer here sells for N300. So three bottles add up to N900, which I can still fund. But remember that you will not possibly consume three plates’ of pepper soup, knowing a plate costs
N2,000
“Kay, mind your speech; you know we are at his mum’s rendezvous. Let’s in fact flatter Olis to high heavens, to the hearing of his mum. Who knows, that can translate to two steaming hot plates of pepper soup, with two criminally cold bottles of beer, to wash them down the throat!”
“Incidentally, your name is not Joseph. I would have called you a dreamer. You want her to give us pepper soup and beer free of charge. So why are you here drinking among big men, the movers and shakers in the society?”
“I beg, let’s vacate that and enjoy this parliament of experienced, rich drunks…so, when are we expecting our President from London? And what really ails the President that we will never know when he’s likely get well.”
“My man, I am as confused as your good self. Our only glimmer of hope is that the First Lady, who came back from London two months ago, has returned, ostensibly to bring back her husband.”
“If the man is not sound yet, will the medics allow her to bring him? Do you think the doctors there are like our own, who would easily be cajoled into releasing a shaky patient?”
“I am a bit amazed about why people are at daggers-drawn because the President is sick. After all, he is human. Same way former President Umaru Yar’Adua enlightened those spreading rumours over his health, saying ‘I am a human being who can fall sick and can be in good health; who can laugh and can cry, who can be happy or can be unhappy and who can live and can also die.”
“Fantastic wisecrack there; may his soul rest in peace. But they say Buhari’s absence is slowing down the works of government, as the cabal members have not allowed Vice President Yemi Osinbajo who is acting, to have a free hand.”
“Don’t let these people deceive us. There must always be a tale to keep the country going, a kind of decoy. How can a cabal control the acting President, a senior advocate of many years? Please let that young babe working with Mama Olis get us our plate of catfish pepper soup. I learnt that a plate sells for N2, 000”
“They call the young lady Angel, a name considered sacrilegious in religious circles…just look as she flaps her mammary seductively, as if the other ladies working with Mama don’t have this same ‘facility’.”
“But of course, only the deep can call to the deep. Those who are cherishing her facility fanatically know its value, that’s why she’s flapping the twin upper-engine, to the people’s delight.”
“Kay, I know you must be one of her admirers or even explorers, to be this passionate…but I observe that all the big men didn’t bring their spouses or girlfriends. What manner of piety is that?”
“Ah, ah, ah, ah! Count the number of beautiful ladies employed by Mama to serve as bar attendants here. At least I can count up to 17. All greatly endowed, both at the Upper-Volta and the Sugar-Valley levels. Therefore, to bring an external player, either as wife or spouse or girlfriend, will be a disservice.”
“Chief philanderer. I know you will best qualify the scenario. Please I must drink three bottles before I leave this charming environment. While Mama’s son is a great footballer and coach, the girls she employed here are great hip-shooters and torso flappers.”
“Well, a bottle of beer here sells for N300. So three bottles add up to N900, which I can still fund. But remember that you will not possibly consume three plates’ of pepper soup, knowing a plate costs N2, 000”
“See your life…that’s somebody who is after Angel. Don’t you know the babe is capital-intensive, to have attracted these crème-d-la-crème in the society?”
“Don’t worry, I will win her over with grammatical somersaults.”
“Unserious guy; please ‘sip up’ your beer so we can go to Okonkwo’s naming ceremony. There, beer is free. Here, you’ll pay heavily, and still pay to win the love of Mama Olis’ Angel, and the 16 others.”
