Some stakeholders in Igboland have dismissed speculation that families of brides extort their sons-in-law through exorbitant bride price and marriage rites demands.
They, however, advised intending grooms to prevail on their families to be patient with their potential in-laws by negotiating smartly with them whenever they come up with expensive financial demands for marriage rites and bride price.
The Igbo leaders warned suitors against walking out on their fiancées, insisting that the majority of communities in Igboland do not fix bride price or other traditional marriage requirements.
These remarks followed the drama in Mbaise, an ancient town in Imo State recently over a demand of N1million as bride price during a traditional wedding ceremony.
It was gathered that family members and friends of the groom got infuriated after the bride’s parents and relations insisted that the groom would pay the sum of N1 million before their daughter would leave with him.
In a video posted by a friend to the groom and obtained by The Point, it was disclosed that the traditional wedding ceremony happened at the bride’s parent’s home in Mbaise at the weekend.
The man, said to be from Anambra, who was obviously displeased by the bride family’s demand, recorded how parents and family members of the couple engaged in hot altercations over what they described as exorbitant bride price.
“We are in Mbaise for traditional marriage and the Mbaise people are asking us to give them N1 million as bride price before they can release their daughter to us. We can’t pay for such things. We are going home, they can take their daughter,” the groom’s ally was heard saying in the video.
The video showed the groom and his family members leaving the bride’s compound angrily, saying, “we no dey marry again.”
There have been other stories of men who walked out on their fiancées because their families requested an amount of money they felt was on the high side.
A young man from Bayelsa State, Biobelemoye David, had reportedly abandoned her fiancée during the marriage rites in her community in Imo State when what happened during the ceremony was considered as extortion by the kinsmen of her wife to be.
It was gathered that Biobelemoye walked out on his fiancée and her people due to his alleged extortion.
According to the story which went viral on social media, he was made to pay N1.5million to cater for food and hiring of tents, chairs and a public address system cum musical sound system.
He was also made to set aside N100, 000 as the bride price, which the both families had agreed upon.
It was also learnt that Biobelemoye was coerced to add N50, 000 to the bride price (totaling N150, 000) as a penalty for putting the bride in a family way before officially asking for her hand in marriage, and was further fined N10, 000 for making a diversion to the wrong path and ending up in a different homestead instead of the bride’s.
Biobelemoye was also asked to pay N15, 000 to appease the elders who were said to have become tired of waiting for his arrival.
The young man was said to have started losing his well-stretched temper when the whole scenario started, especially when he was fined N15, 000 thrice for unveiling wrong ladies instead of his bride.
Twelve ladies were covered in loose robes from head to toe and were paraded before Biobelemoye, who was asked to unveil his fiancée, but he uncovered the wrong person.
He finally lost his temper when the elders demanded for a refund of the N850, 000 meant to be the amount spent as the bride’s school fees and upkeep since she started primary school.
At this point, according to the story, Biobelemoye excused himself to visit a nearby latrine. When he was away from their midst, he switched off his cell phone and disappeared. An eyewitness said he was last seen in a Bayelsa-bound bus from Imo.
There have been institutional and individual efforts at reducing the cost of traditional marriage rites in some parts of the South East geo-political zone, especially Imo State.
Stakeholders had argued that to foster timely marriage among young men and women of marriageable ages in the region, parents and kinsmen of ladies getting married should shun greed.
They stressed the need for affected parents to desist from seeing marriage as transactional instead of cultural relationship between the families involved.
Most young women in Igbo land have been protesting silently and questioning the situation that reduces them to mere objects in the hands of their husbands even as many bachelors who are struggling financially have expressed doubts of considering ladies from the region.
Reacting, a popular actor and indigene of Mbaise in Imo State, Kanayo Kanayo, explained that there is no fixed bride price in Igbo land, saying each family determines what their son-in-law pays.
He advised potential grooms to strengthen their negotiation skill whenever they go into bride price consideration with their would-be in-laws.
“Being a son of the South-Eastern part of Nigeria, I know that 85 percent of the communities do not have bride price written in a particular book, it is relative to any family you visit. In Mbaise, I know that bride price varies from family to family. In negotiating bride price, families might demand N1million and you will discover that the price will be beaten down to N20, 000.
“So, let nobody vilify Mbaise people. Some families that you visit in South-Eastern states have what they ask for. For those of you young men that are interested in marrying Mbaise ladies, don’t join those who say Mbaise people are marrying their daughters for N1million. We have quality girls. If you want to marry, come to Mbaise, deal with the family. Bride price negotiation is not fixed and some even fight because of it in Igboland,” he said.
Another Igbo leader, Irenus Onah, the Chairman of Mbu-Akpoti Progressive Union in Osun State, explained that there are many Igbo communities that do not seek high bride prices.
He asked suitors not to be discouraged by speculation of high bride price demand, noting that “Even in Imo that everyone is talking about, I can assure you that there are countless families that show understanding when giving out their daughters’ hands in marriage.”
“You know, what makes news easily are the few ones who make bogus prices during marriage rites. However, if the grooms or their families understand the Igbo culture and tradition, they would not be discouraged. It is just a matter of negotiation and you will see that there won’t be any issue. It is not fair to say that Igbo parents want to be selling their daughters in the name of marriage. The Igbos are known for training and bringing up quality ladies who are assets in marriage and men should also be realistic that good things cannot be cheap,” he added.