Fayose and his presidential dream


“See the minstrel over there, who will soon relocate to our side; do you know that he belongs to the generation of the Sunny Ades, Ebenezer Obeys of this world? I learnt he grew up here in Mushin, and that in the 70s, his musical band was the rave of the moment.”

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“Kay, you mean it? Imagine the man with his solo guitar, twinning and singing away gleefully, not minding that his shoes are sloppy, showing they have seen better days.”

Please, don’t keep me salivating over your Fayose campaign tale. But what I also think is that, stakeholders in the PDP want to be using people like Fayose to lubricate the engine of the party ahead of 2019, so that Nigerians would not think the party no longer exists


“Charles, that’s uncharitable of you, to a man who is still coming to drive away our sorrow. But what I learnt of him is that three things ruined his music career: women, gambling and Indian hemp. Well, I will prayerfully offer him two bottles, and perhaps some wads of Naira notes; because I can see that he is happy the way he’s living his life.”

“You know, the guy is leaving office later this year and is determined to install his deputy as a successor, and he is determined about this.”

“So is that the reason he wants to become President so as to monitor his successor from the top?”

“So you think even if the PDP resolves to zone the presidency to the South-West come 2019, Fayose will be given any consideration? Will his various controversies not play some negative roles?”

“Well, you asked two difficult questions but I will respond with one answer: In Nigeria, anything is possible…So, if our man, Fayose becomes the President, you can be sure that the cork price of beer will come tumbling down. Remember, he is a friend of the masses and it is the masses that drink beer.”

“So, how do you categorise those who drink stuffs like palm wine, Ogogoro, burukutu and sachet liquor? Remember, these categories of drinkers are fast increasing in number.

“Yes, those people are not the masses; they are the holoi polio, the wretched of the earth, who Fayose as President, would do everything to upgrade to the level of we the masses. Remember, there was a time he had a stop-over at a palm-wine joint in an Ekiti community. There, he savoured the moment with them, using palm wine to download steaming hot, fresh bush-meat.”

“Please, don’t keep me salivating over your Fayose campaign tale. But what I also think is that, stakeholders in the PDP want to be using people like Fayose to lubricate the engine of the party ahead of 2019, so that Nigerians would not think the party no longer exists.”

“Well, let the PDP lubricate their party if they wish. Whichever party comes to power, whether PDP or APC, what is important is for me to have enough money to drink, and then lubricate the human engine in charge of this beer parlour.”

“I pity you, let the man sitting at the other side overhear you…Have you forgotten that he is the one ‘cultivating the farmland’ of Bose, our heavily endowed owner of this joint?”

“Charles, can you see the irony of life? Bose is without this beer parlour, a jobless graduate. Look at the man whom you said is in charge of her ‘facilities’, an uneducated but rich tout, who is an official of a drivers’ union.”

“Please stop sulking over spilled milk. After all, Fayose is coming into power in 2019. He will buy you at least two commercial buses and you can from there gain promotion to the office of a drivers’ union chairman, and then come back to flex muscles with this guy, over your Bakassi-shooting Bose.”

“Well, let me do an optical assessment of Bose’s body endowment, even if I’m for now disqualified from gaining access to it. I’ll simply ask her to give us a bottle apiece, criminally cold, mortuary standard. While she reports and returns, my seductive eyes will screen her ‘facilities’ and be entertained. Then five minutes later, I will call her again to bring two plates of pepper soup…

“(Joint laughter)…and your greedy eyes will, again, assess her facilities! Yes, I support the motion. After all, I will be an indirect beneficiary of the deeds of your lustful eyes.”

“So how are we spending the rest of the evening? As you can see, I have a competitor and such a thing cannot boost morale, as I still desire to drink more.”


“Come and hear ‘tory’…a civil servant told me that Governor Ambode did not give civil servants any package for the last Easter, as he did to many of them during the last Christmas. And they said the governor is largely stingy to public servants, who ordinarily should be his constituents, being a former public

“You are right. I even heard one of them praising Fashola, his predecessor to high heavens, to the extent that the guy came short of saying this governor is wicked.”

“It’s possible the governor doesn’t even know the general perception about him among the civil servants…but he should first court the drunks among them; they will always tell him the truth.”

“But do you know that out of the 17 million Lagos population, up to five million are drinkers, while another seven million are confirmed

“I hear you, beer parlour data collector; …..Don’t worry, I have another good place for us to rock it all, this evening. But please, remember to fulfil your promise to this old man, I mean the minstrel.”