I just left the hospital and resolved to head straight to this place, to cool off my nerves after so many terrifying sights in the wards that I visited.”

Uba Group

“So what exactly was your mission in the hospital? You went for treatment? Or took a lady Ronaldo there for pre-natal abortion?”

“Ogbonna, I wonder why your mind is this corrupt. Well, I was there to see Charles. I learned he drank 13 bottles of beer on New Year eve, at three sittings cumulatively. So, in the morning, he claimed there was a tintinnabulation at the back of his head, as if someone was ringing the church bell, to call the faithful to worship.”

“Yeeeh!!, Kay, that’s aggravated headache, arising from over-bombardment of the medulla oblongata. Things like that happen once you fire the nerves on all cylinders, through excessive drips of beer quinine.”

“Quack doctor, I hear you. So what’s on the floor? Where is your container, the owner of this dynamic beer parlour? Tell her to give us a bottle each. Even if we are still going to drink 13 bottles each, a journey of one thousand years begins with a step.”

“No be me and you. That’s Charles’ prerogative. So apart from Container serving us beer, she should, on my sponsorship, bring two plates of steaming hot pepper-soup, either dominated by catfish or its tilapia sibling.”

Hmmm… Ogbos, why do you call this woman Container? At least, why not something like, Mama Shade, since that is the name of her beautiful and well-endowed daughter?”

“Alan Kay, are you from the moon or the outer space? Can’t you behold her downward poise and confirm the story that there is a great container? Oh, I’m disappointed.”

“Please, don’t drag me through the mud of sin in the new year. I’ve made a new year resolution to do away with philandering, and re-focus my energy on promoting morals among the upcoming ones.”

“Good. But why did your new year resolution fail to address the issue of beer shelling. At least, you should be able to resolve on abstaining from beer drinking for six out of the 12 months of the year. That way, I would say you are a strong man.”

“Well, if that is the way you want to measure strength, I would rather be weak. To abstain from beer for one week is invitation to nausea, as I will be left with soft drinks. Leaving it for a month will precipitate dizziness, which can lead to stroke. To now abandon it for upwards of six months is no more than self-immolation or suicide by method.”

“I trust you; I think I share your sentiment. Were it not for beer shelling, half of the Nigerian population would have been singed, owing largely to the bad situation of the economy.”

“Though some people have been expressing optimism about 2016 and President Buhari’s new budget, we can only look straight ahead in deep contemplation, as we’ve heard similar songs before.”

“Kay, you know what? The best way to move to greater heights this year is to develop the real sectors, and then work on the security situation of the country, to make Nigeria investor-friendly.”

“Ogbos, the great economist from across the Niger! Good talk

For the concluding part of this story and others, grab your copy of The Point from your nearest vendor