- I’m not financially buoyant to cater for sick son, second child – Husband
A 30-year-old mother of a child with special needs, Mrs. Abosede Oyeyemi, has accused her husband, Victor Adewole, of allegedly neglecting his family, owing to the health condition of their child.
Oyeyemi, who is now pregnant with her second child, alleged that her husband, who is a graphic artist, wanted her to go for an abortion, an advice she said she vehemently rejected based on her doctor’s advice not to consider such a dangerous option.
She, however, claimed that since she refused to do her husband’s wish regarding the pregnancy, he had abandoned her and her child.
Recounting her ordeal, Oyeyemi told our correspondent, “It all started in May 2017. I realised I was pregnant, and I informed my husband, who I was dating that time. So, we eventually got married; during my antenatal visits to the Lagos University teaching Hospital, Idi Araba, the doctors found out that I was carrying a child with a congenital defect called Spina bifida. They said with that condition, I was prone to having a traumatic and difficult delivery. So, they advised that I should deliver the child through caesarian section, which was done in July 2017 and I gave birth to a boy (Opeyemi).
“When my boy was born, he had a hole on his back and had to be operated upon at LUTH by doctors. Some days after the surgery, he developed some complications, which made his head to swell. The doctors revealed to us that it was part of the complications of Spina bifida, such that fluid started to build up in his brain (hydrocephalus). His head was operated upon and after spending months in the hospital, eventually we left LUTH.
“Some weeks after leaving the hospital, my baby’s head started getting bigger and bigger again and the doctors recommended an Endoscopic Third Ventriculostomy (ETV), which the doctors said was the last resort. A drain pipe was put inside his head to help to drain water out on a daily basis; which has improved his condition. The doctors told my husband and I that since our child is a child with special needs, he needs full time optimum care and attention.
The distraught pregnant mother of one added, “All this while we were going back and forth to the hospital after the surgery, my mother-in-law was at loggerheads with me, saying I was disturbing her son with the kind of baby I gave birth to and went to the extent that she started telling family members on both sides that I was wasting her son’s money. In order to prove her wrong and also offer my own support, I managed to get a job as a personal secretary.
“The job was not paying much, but at least, at the end of the month, I was earning something little to also support my son. On one occasion, while we were in the hospital, one day, my mother-in-law told me that it was better for my baby to die, instead of wasting money on him and draining his son financially.
“On January 10, 2018, I found out that I was pregnant again, and I immediately informed my husband about it. He was very furious and told me to abort the pregnancy, that he was not ready to be a father again. He told me he could not start buying diapers for two children and bear all the cost that goes with raising children.
“I went for an appointment at LUTH to meet doctors on my condition and the doctors advised that since my first child who was delivered through CS was still 11months old, it was extremely risky for me to undergo an abortion, adding that it was even illegal to do such. The doctors noted that it could pose a threat to my life, if I went on with it.”
Oyeyemi further said, “I told my husband about the doctor’s advice and warnings, but he insisted that I carry out an abortion or else he would not have anything to do with me and our baby again. As usual, his mother supported him; that her son could not take care of two children at the moment.
“Now my ordeal is that he does not care for me or the pregnancy. It is when I really pressurise him that he will send the money for Opeyemi’s upkeep, which is always small. I had to leave our house because he was always fighting with me and the stress was too much for me to bear, considering my current condition. Now, I am squatting at my brother’s place at Somolu.
“My first child will be a year old next year and he has not started crawling or sitting down or walking. His limbs are paralysed; yet no financial capability to care for him and my husband wants me to go for abortion. Now, doctors advised me at the ante-natal appointment that my BP was very high; that I should avoid stress and be on bedrest throughout the pregnancy to prevent future pregnancy complications that may arise.
“What that means is that I will soon stop work and stay at home and at the same time take care of my baby. All I need from my husband is to agree with me not to have an abortion and also take up his responsibility of taking care of me, our unborn baby and our first child. Please, I implore the appropriate authorities to come to my aid and help me out.”
When contacted, her husband, Adekunle, told our correspondent that he had always borne his responsibility to his son, vowing that he would not relent in doing so.
He said, “I don’t think I deny Bose anything. The issue of abortion came up because our first child is not up to a year old and I cannot bare another responsibility of another child at the moment. I am just a graphics designer in a printing store. How much is my salary that I will start nursing another baby? Though I agree, we both caused the pregnancy, I feel as a woman, she should have prevented the pregnancy from happening.
“Our child has special needs. I am going through serious financial challenges; that is why I told her to abort the baby and my wife has also refused to understand. She is always pressurising me for money, even when I am not buoyant. She says I deliberately told her to go for an abortion so that she could die and I would move on to marry another wife. But I promise her that I would fulfil my responsibility as a husband and a father.”
