Rethinking possibility of Linda Ikeji marrying a Nigerian


Linda Ikeji was recently in the news, after speaking on the qualities she desires in a man and why she is unmarried. When she said her type of man was scarce, most Nigerian men did not take it lightly with her.
She was heavily criticised for saying such publicly. She said precisely, “I am getting a lot of proposals. People always say when you are successful, men run away. But for me, it is a lie; that is when they chase you more. Unfortunately, I have not seen what I am looking for. I tell people that men are not scarce, but the type some of us are looking for are scarce. If I want to marry next year, I can.
“I want a man that I can look up to, I want somebody that can inspire me. I want somebody who have had a kind of success in his own field because I want to learn from him. I am inspired by the success of other people.”
For me, she only said the truth and was blunt about it. Just like her, do you think celebrity women such as Genevieve Nneji, Rita Dominic, Fathia Balogun, Waje, Empress Njamah, Toyin Aimakhu, Doris Simeon, Kate Henshaw, Chika Ike, Ebube Nwagbo and many more are happy being single, separated or divorced? You think they are not aware that time is ticking. But how many Nigerian men can let them move around freely or do whatever they like, without asking questions. Even if an African is so nice and tolerant, the family members know how to set him against such a woman. And there is also a large percentage of suitors who are only interested in their wealth.
Getting a suitable suitor, someone who will not feel threatened by their success, is really tough for this set of women. Perhaps, veteran actress, Taiwo Ajai-Lycett, said it all in a chat I had with her.
Since Ajai-Lycett’s British husband, Thomas Aldridge Lycett, died 23 years ago, she has remained single. Her summation was that in Africa, we like our women to be submissive or appear submissive.
“I am too opinionated and men do not like such women. Though people are friendly with me, they do not get too close. I have been a widow for 23 years, so where are the men?
“My husband in many ways spoilt me for any other person. Where am I going to find a man like him? He did not feel diminished by devoting his life to me. He thought I was doing something special and was so supportive,” she said.
Not only that Linda and others are successful, they are people of strong character and are highly opinionated. They cannot be easily controlled by any man and the simple truth is that African men want to be in control at all times.
While some of these celebrated women have had to compromise at some point and tolerate whatever that comes with marriage to stay married, others will better stay single.
Tiwa Savage, for a long time, endured pains in her marriage. Even when everything was wrong with it, she tried to make it work.
After having three babies for three different men, including Fred Amata, I also heard that Ibinabo Fiberesima’s marriage to Uche Egbuka has hit the rock. She is doing everything possible to keep it secret for the fear of what people will say. But for how long can she hide it from the prying eyes of the public.
Maybe, it is now best for Linda Ikeji and others to look abroad for partners, because it is increasingly becoming hard to get the types of men they are looking for here in Nigeria or Africa.
Just like Ajai-Lycett, the likes of Regina Askia, Tosyn Bucknor, Uche Jombo, Ufuoma Ejenobor, Oluchi Onweagba, Anita Hogan, Maheeda, Susan Peters and Ahionye Ugboh have found love in foreign lands. In these countries, their beliefs and culture do not encourage women to just stay in ‘the kitchen and the other rooms.’ But for ill luck, this also explains why Hilary Clinton almost became a female president in America.
In Nigeria, even in many years to come, it would be extremely hard for a woman to win the primary election of a major party, let alone become the president.
Kudos, however, must be given to the likes of Omotola Jolade-Ekeinde, Dakore Akande, Tara Fela-Durotoye, Omoni Oboli, Chioma Chukwuka Akpotha and others, who have survived more than a decade in marriages to Nigerian men and are building a career at the same time.
For Tonto Dikeh-Churchill, Mercy Johnson, Stephenie Okereke-Linus, Omawumi, Funke Akindele-Bello’s second marriage and Monalisa Chinda’s second marriage, it is too early to celebrate.
But the success story of the likes of Omotola and Oboli is an indicator that if Linda Ikeji looks well and adjust to the some harsh realities, she could also be happily married to a Nigerian man. But, personally, I honestly don’t see her marrying a Nigerian.